DON’T BE ANNOYING…

Here’s a short list of a few things that genuinely annoying. Please respect me…

1. Stupid drivers: IDK what trap house you got your license from but get off the road before I run you off the freeway
2. When people ask me the same question twice: how bout you fucking listen the first time?
3. Hyphenated names: make up your mind on who you want to be
4. Bad “I know how to cook” Cooks: no you don’t, sit down, take this menu from Papa John’s, and shut up
5. Instagram Models: I’m not knocking your hustle but you know good and damn well flat tummy tea don’t work
6. Asking me to “hold a dollar:” first of all idk why we friends if you don’t have a dollar to your name
7. Men who don’t take no for an answer: I tried to be polite, but ask for my number again and I swear I’m coming for you and your Sean Jean track suit.  
8. People who don’t LOVE Beyoncé: just die.
9. Unnecessary lies: my dude, I don’t care if you don’t want to chill. Why your grandma gotta be in the hospital tho?
10. Habitual complainers: y’all already know how I feel about them (see post here)
11. I got a degree but no common sense type people: I’m sure Devry offered a course on how to act right
12. When people bump into me and have the NERVE to look at me like I owe them an apology. If I slap you…
13. America: I wasn’t made for this country, my soul is somewhere roaming the streets of Paris
14. Not hot, Hot Sauce: I’m out here expecting the firey pits of hell and instead I get vinegar flavored food coloring, smh
15. When someone accidentally puts me on mute then proceeds to yell in the phone like I’m the one who can’t hear them!
16. Lines at Chipotle
17. Carpooling with someone who doesn’t like to play music during the drive: So I’m supposed to listen to your breathing for the next 3 hours?
18. Oyibo people who want to be down so bad: just stop.
19. Lace Frontals: Girlfriend, I’m telling you this because I love you, there is nothing natural about that hairline. Stick to 4×4 closures or U-Part wigs
20. Expensive wine that tastes like $2.00 boxed wine
21. Cheap tasting wine that wasn’t that cheap
22. Long wait times to speak with customer service
23. Conservatives.
24. When I warm up food and it’s still cold in the middle
25. People who ask me if my hair is ACTUALLY my hair, nah it’s just growing from my scalp for fake.
26. Having to apologize for speaking on how I feel. Sorry not sorry if you’re offended
27. Offering someone a stick of gum and the person actually accepts it
28. Wash Day: all my naturals understand
29. Ice cold water. Maybe I’m bougie but I like my water room temperature. Anything colder than that’s make my mouth hurt.
30. Recording myself singing. One minute I’m Beyoncé and the next I’m Ice JJ Fish
31. Bills: adulting fucking sucks
32. Waiting for my phone to charge
33. Having to explain myself…I’m a grown ass woman, don’t question me.
34. Anti-Climatic stories: I wasted 10 mins of my life listening to your boring story and no one got shot? What was the point!
35. People without a plan: how do you see this going? HOW SWAY???!
36. 1st grade level texters, hit me up when you learn that b4 is spelled before and cummin/coming are two different things
37. People who don’t say “Thank-You” after I’ve taken time out of my precious day to hold the door open for them. I hope the door meets your face next time.
38. When someone gives me a bag of Cheetos instead of Flaming Hot Cheetos
39. Clean white chucks: lol am I the only one that thinks white chucks are supposed to be slightly dirty?
40. Running out of bundles before I get to the closure.
41. Seeing my coworkers out side of work. Our paths are NOT supposed to cross
42. Hearing “One Number” by Ayo Jay on the radio like it’s a new song but it came out well over 3 years ago
43. Struggle ponytails: baby girl, you don’t have enough hair for what you’re trying to accomplish
44. Holding elevators for people: I’m trying to be a good citizen and hold this elevator for you. That doesn’t mean you should walk 0.10 mph. Hustle!
45. When people try to talk to me even though I have my headphones in: I’m clearly ignoring you, take the hint.
46. Having to use the bathrooms after I just finished showering: I promise you I’m holding that bad boy in
47. Slow talkers: Will you get to the point already!
48. People who parallel park their cars 1 cm away from my trunk: When I back out and hit your car, I don’t want to hear a damn thing.
49. Accidentally picking up a FaceTime call during a meeting and it’s your sister yelling at you for giving your other sister the latest TEA on her love life.
50. THOT Nails: there is no reason anyone should have 3D Hello Kitty nails with rhinestones and gems.
51. Burnt rice: this type of thing shouldn’t just happen
52. Black & Mild/Blunt Lips: I’m sorry but why are your lips so black??
53. Pointless snaps from people I don’t speak to: why do you think I care about the topping on your salad?
54. Waiting for the meat to defrost
55. When people mispronounce my name even though I told you how to say it at least 3 times
56. Enemies of progress
57. Unblended makeup: Sweetie, did you know your face and neck don’t match?
58. Life. (S/O to my besties #PLP)